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The Abs Diet Ultimate Nutrition Handbook Your Reference Guide to Thousands of Foods &How Each One Shapes Your Body
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The Abs Diet Ultimate Nutrition Handbook Your Reference Guide to Thousands of Foods &How Each One Shapes Your Body
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Overall I really liked it! You've got a good short story here and you're sure to get a good grade.
In terms on constructive crit: You need to change paragraphs when people are talking. There are a view places where you didn't do that. Towards the end you had that down, though, so good one there. And the dialogue is overall good, and it's pretty much perfect.
I'd suggest waiting a while, then doing a reread, find anything you dislike and fix or remove it, and when you're done you'll like the end product much better. Though even now I'd give you an A+.